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[one thing I can tell you is you got to be free]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries.
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2005.01.23 19.48
new me.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) dankster
add me if i like you.
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2005.01.22 16.47
finals are screwing me.
and bobby's bringing me sushi.
[edit] he forgot the sushi.
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2005.01.19 23.52
imagine all the people living in peace.
i've given up trying to imporess people, i can be no more than what i am. and that's probably the most profound thing i've thought of in these last few days. i'm on my feet again after a messy weekend, but things are looking up. february looks to be a month to enjoy, and enjoy it i will.
Frankly, I suspect that the Creator needs you to change something about yourself before you will get your wish. - - - Be constantly on the lookout for ways you can use old traumas and setbacks as sources of inspirational power.
( i'm debating putting up <b>wanted, boyfriend</b> posters in the halls. )
ps. you can not handle the truth. (ha ha)
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2005.01.17 19.27
modest mouse
this is just so beatiful and for me, completely relatable.
"The World At Large"
Ice-age heat wave, can't complain.
If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day,
to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn't stop.
You don't know where and you don't know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.
Well uh-uh baby I ain't got no plan.
We'll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well float on maybe would you understand?
The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The days get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.
I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?
The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.
I know that starting over is not what life's about.
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud.
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2005.01.17 14.19
this weekend was one frickin' long & eventful weekend.
but i like to mull things over, not write about them too much.
maybe an 1/8 of the people i love.
(sorry i jacked this.)
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2005.01.13 21.36
where words fail. music speaks. ♥
something feels weird; but i feel better than ever.
i'm soo excited for everything, and despite
my occasional yucky feelings.
i'm very joyful.
and i want to be serenaded & held. i haven't had those things since summer.
ah, summer.
i miss that too.
schtank.
♥
Mood: i didn't do my math homework.
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2005.01.12 21.08
I have no stories to tell
so
tell me something.
Make me laugh or break down and crawl into fetal position. I can be versatile like that.
ahem, www.okcupid.com told me my ideal match would be the "Playboy"
Yup. Any second now he'll come bursting through my...open door or closed window? (eee the 2nd one please)
I'm very hopeful.
I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)--Mad Girl's Love Song, Sylvia Plath
this made me laugh.
A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her, and decided to surprise him. When he arrived home, last weekend, she was dressed in lingerie and led him into the bedroom. She asked him if he wanted to be tied down, and what guy can resist a little kinky fun? So she tied him, stomach down, to their bed.
That's when the curling iron came in.
She confronted him about his infidelity, and then proceeded to shove the curling iron up his ass. She plugged it in. And left it there.
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2005.01.11 21.24
"Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh got to move...
My Fake French is hot.
You can't make me stop.
Got nowhere to run to baby.
Come on turn it up..."
today was really awful. i'm going to watch a movie in bed.
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2005.01.10 22.53
bachelorette.
+ mother nature is kicking us in our ass. it's about time with all that we do to her.
- i went to sushi tonight and it was closed.
+/- my sister is engaged. apparently since march. i don't know how i feel.
+ i knitted like a coked out grandma.
+ open mic night is official for february 10th.
- it's a little bit cold, and my hand is going to freeze off.
- maybe i'm lonely, i just don't know.
i can not be profound tonight. and i don't think that my journal readers know who i am. i do have a sense of humor, and i crack kind of dumb jokes, and i fall down a lot. i laugh too hard at potty jokes, and i can not sit and not be fiddling. there's more than on this journal. and it's weird to think that some people don't believe that. anyway, goodnight.
♥
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2005.01.09 21.05
i'm ready for something crazy.
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2005.01.08 23.45
i'm gonna eat a lot of peaches.
so basically, i spent about two hours writing the most elaborate journal entry in livejournal history, and then my computer screen went black. yep.
i had two shots in my butt yesterday. they were for my migriane and let me tell you, never let them do that. it hurts.
this dissatisfaction in myself seems to overwhelm the good things. it gets hard to breathe and for .352745 seconds i suffocate. i've realized that i'm mediocre at so many things, and great at none. joanna says it's because i'm so good at being me, but i think i disagree. that is just a lame excuse similar to that of "oh, i weigh 3846lbs because it's ALL muscle". and i realize how hypocritical i am when i wish for money to buy insignificant and material things. i just want, want, want. (to be rich.) but then i want to be poor and live gypsy and eat rice for all meals and travel. gah, contradictions surround me everywhere i go.
- music has fallen into the background noise of my life.
+ modest mouse concert and possibly the gavin degraw show.
+ it has been three weeks since i last took my medication. i have not been relying on chemical to live, rather myself and life. and i like it. and it works.
- i have a diseas of an old, fat, middle aged man.
- i haven't made out in 4 months.
+ i got 15 cd's to burn today. and i have rad schmad friends.
Mood:  lethargic
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2005.01.04 20.49
move and shake, just like that.
some resolutions:
*give rationality a chance
*let myself be happy
*4.0 gpa
*be pretty
*excercise
*love better
*achieve and maintain thinness
*makeout every moment possible
yesterday i spent hours playing halo and i actually liked it. halo war on wednesday and it's effing on. it's so difficult for me to want to go to school every day. i find no pleasure in forcing myself into an institution for 50% of my day that i don't even want to be in.
i want to lose myself in his body
thank you, typewriter
"what makes you really sad? anything, anything."
the thought of being alone for the rest of my life.
i want someone who understands, you know?
i want
i want
i want a life of moderation. writing for a little music magazine,
something, whatever. publishing my own stuff on the side.
i want to live and work and love and is this too much to ask for?
the doctor nodded. "i couldn't bear to cap your creativity."
i've thought this through. i couldn't stand to lose it.
don't worry, sir. my fingers are crossed and i'm wishing on satellites.
"so i will put you on something that should allow you to continue writing."
deep awkward sigh.
"okay but you understand the side affects."
my tea just went cold and there are so many things running around in my head. there are 20 different sides to me and none of them feel just right. but when it becomes a whole and i become who i am i feel perfect. or, almost. and each of the 20 wants to love something different.
( omg, sooo man e pitcher para tu. )
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2005.01.02 19.37
to study i burn
white sage
and elemental candles.
it makes me calm.
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2005.01.01 18.59
the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had
it's 6 o'clock and i haven't changed.
i'm sick and floating
and i can't believe it's a new year.
i want to feel better and alive
and enforce.
and i wish people will learn
to handle relationships,
a little bit better.
and i hope that you will figure
it out what you want.
and maybe it will be in my favor.
ps. ♥
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2004.12.31 00.57
when the power of love overcomes the love of power -- then the world will know peace
i forgot to call my sister back today to conclude my apology. and it reminded me that i am a bad friend when it comes to calling people back. i hope that i'm a good friend otherwise. point out my faults, i think i need to hear them.
i had sushi tonight and watched three different movies and thought about how lame i am to not be doing any homework. here i am, a 4.0 student and now i have a 2.7 and my mom talks to me about being a cable technichian. and she means it with all her heart.
♥ ♥ ♥
Dear Heart,
Will you find someone
to rest your weary time
on? It will my my life
a little bit easier.
K, thanks.
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2004.12.26 22.34
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jetplane
Far away
And break away
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging with revolving doors
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me
Gotta keep movin on movin on
Fly away
Break away
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
Though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye
Take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away
Breakaway
Break away
don't make fun because it's kelly clarkson. this is what influenced me to make my decision. and i feel good about it. i think there are so many opportunities to take and when you don't take them because some things are holding you down, it's wrong. today i walked on moonstone beach in cambria and collected moonstones. i'm happy that there is a storm coming in. i can't wait.
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2004.12.22 19.15
thanks for calling me earlier
i'm completely in the mood for this movie, but it's nowhere around. so i'll post my favorite part in it here.
[on sheets of poster board]
Mark: With any luck by next year
Mark: I'll be going out with one of these girls.
[pictures of beautiful supermodels]
Mark: But for now, let me say
Mark: Without hope or agenda
Mark: Just because it's Christmas
Mark: (And at Christmas you tell the truth)
Mark: To me, you are perfect
Mark: And my wasted heart will love you
Mark: Until you look like this
[picture of mummy]
Mark: Merry Christmas
---
Jamie: It's my favorite time of day, driving you.
Aurelia: [in Portuguese] It is the saddest part of my day, leaving you
---
Mia: I'll just be around the mistletoe, hoping to be kissed.
:) i just verbally kicked neil in his ass. and it felt way too good. christmas is so close that when i breathe i can feel it. and my broghann is coming to town, that's better than santa to a four year old.
Mood: hot stuff
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